111513

Posted on November 15, 2013 by Linda

School has become a large concern in recent weeks.  Dalton has been sick a lot and has missed a lot of school.  His unhappiness has me thinking a lot about my own experience with school when I was a kid and how much I hated it.  I wonder if the fact that I always used to miss so much school is somehow contributing to his situation; is it my fault somehow?  Or is it that he is simply a child of my flesh and shares my difficulties?

I wasn’t exactly sick all the times I missed school; it was simply that school itself made me ill.  And as I read Dan Pink’s book “Drive,” I find I agree with what he says about us currently still being asked to live in a “Motivation 2.0” world – and that goes for our schools as well – which is not in accordance with our human nature and to a sensitive, creative, highly-intelligent and evolved individual, the way things are can be toxic to our well-being.

I missed more than twice the state-allowed absences.  I remember having to beg to be allowed to graduate high school, but they let me based on my good grades.  (This was after even skipping an entire year; I combined my junior and senior year and only had to take a 12th grade English class in summer school in order to get my diploma, which I did.) But boy did I miss an awful lot of school.  And then I nearly aced the SAT test.  But I hated college too and didn’t stay very long.

I was depressed from the time I was young, although most people viewed me as having a very optimistic, cheerful nature, although also quite moody.  When I got older and learned about ADHD, I decided that must be what the problem is.  But now I believe that it is in large part just the “system” that has always made me ill.  And I see this in my son.  But I do try to help him see the necessity and benefits of hanging in there – and he mostly enjoys school – much more than I did, but my situation was also very different.  I had so many other factors to deal with, not the least of which was all the guilt and negativity from growing up around a screwed-up religion and dysfunctional parents.  I have tried to show my son the real world in a better, more open-minded and positive light, one that encourages self-determination and self-esteem.  God knows if I am doing a decent job.  I hope so.  He is a good kid and a wonderful individual.  I am very proud of him and love him more than words can tell.  But school has not been an easy thing.

School is such a pain in the ass.  But yet it is necessary too.  But for smart, sensitive kids, the system just does not work well.  It could be different.  I don’t think home-schooling is the answer either.  And I think going to the doctor all the time is stupid and worthless.  Sometimes I think everyone is stupid.  The way things are in so many areas of our modern life are just absurd and ridiculous and frustrating.  Even if everyone thinks I am just crazy.  And I may have to put up with it, but I don’t have to like it.  And how do I teach my son to deal with it when I never could?  The way we are expected to live is in so many ways completely counter to our true natures and in trying to cooperate with the system it can make us sick!

Kids should be able to get an education without the stress; how can it be good for kids to have to run out the door early every morning to go spend hours sitting in classrooms, in the first place?  And then have to spend a chunk of their meager time at home doing homework. What kind of life is that?  And then to get through all those years only to do the same thing at a job?  Just so you can have a home and food and the basis requirements for living at all.  And year after year of conforming to those expectations and requirements until you’re too old to do it anymore.  What possible meaning can there be for the way we are expected to live?  It’s no wonder there exists that greed and competition to obtain enough wealth – in order to escape!  And money is the ONLY way to be able to step out of the system to any degree and choose the manner in which you want to live.  Why must it be like that?

I guess because we don’t know any better.  We have not yet figured out how to do things differently.  And I think that is partly due to the fact that most of us don’t yet even realize that anything is wrong.  But some are starting to.  I do see changes going in the right direction.  But it will be many generations I predict until things change very much.  We are slow learners in some respects.  Then there are people like me who muddle through somehow, angry and sick and depressed. 

I just hope my son somehow can have a better experience than I have.  I hope he finds a path that can lead him to happiness and success and wellness by his own terms.  And I hope I can help him find it, granted enough strength and wisdom.

 

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Writing Workshop

Posted on November 10, 2013 by Linda

I went to the monthly Northbay Writers Workshop yesterday and enjoyed it as always.  I missed the last two meetings, so I was glad I made this one.

One interesting thing I learned:  apparently, some time in the recent past, whoever it is that makes such decisions decided that it is no longer correct to put two spaces at the end of a sentence.  What?  First of all, how can one change a habit of a lifetime?  And secondly, I hate the way it looks to have sentences crowded together like that.  Why on earth did “they” do this?

And something that I commented on was that it makes a big difference in one’s own writing when one reads really well-written books.   And I decided I would look for some examples from some of the wonderful authors I have read recently.

Two good examples, from books I’ve read recently are these:

First, from “The Shipping News,” by E. Annie Proulx, here is the very beginning of that book.  I find it astonishing how she writes in such a “spare” kind of way, yet her every choice of word gives you such a brilliantly clear vision of what is happening.  As is quoted on the back of the book in a review by USA Today, “…and now and then, a sentence that simply takes your breath away.”  I couldn’t have said it better:

   ”  Here is an account of a few years in the life of Quoyle, born in Brooklyn and raised in a shuffle of dreary upstate towns.

     Hive-spangled, gut roaring with gas and cramp, he survived childhood; at the state university, hand clapped over his chin, he camouflaged torment with smiles and silence.  Stumbled through his twenties and into his thirties learning to separate his feelings from his life, counting on nothing.  He ate prodigiously, liked a ham knuckle, buttered spuds.

     His jobs:  distributor of vending machine candy, all-night clerk in a convenience store, a third-rate newspaperman.  At thirty-six, bereft, brimming with grief and thwarted love, Quoyle steered away to Newfoundland, the rock that had generated his ancestors, a place he had never been nor thought to go. ” (From Page 1 of “The Shipping News,” by E. Annie Proulx.)

Next, from “The Stone Diaries,” by Carol Shields, I’ve quoted here a paragraph chosen at random from the middle of the book.  This is also a very beautifully written book:

    ” The debris of her married life rains down around her, the anniversaries, pregnancies, vacations, meals, illnesses, and recoveries, crowding out the dramatic – some would say incestuous – origin of her relationship with her partner in marriage, the male god of her childhood.  It seems to her that these years have calcified into a firm resolution:  that she will never again be surprised.  It has become, almost, an ambition.  Isn’t this what love’s amending script has promised her?  Isn’t this what created and now sustains her love for Barker, the protection from rude surprise?  The ramp of her husband’s elongated thighs, her own buttocks – like soft fruit spreading out beneath her on the firm mattress – don’t they lend a certain credence?  House plants, after all, thrive in a vacuum of geography and climate – why shouldn’t she?” (From Page 141 of “The Stone Diaries,” by Carol Shields.)

There are many other beautifully written books that I have read, but this is all that comes to mind at present.  And this is meant to remind me that in order to learn to write well, it is important to read well-written books – which is generally also a supreme pleasure!

And a curious thing – when I was nervously awaiting the time when I needed to leave for the meeting, I suddenly found myself writing down a beginning to my “Bugwump” story – one possible beginning anyway; not sure if it will be a “keeper” or not.  But as many times as I get this stuff in my head, this is the first time I actually made myself sit down and write it down.  So, one small improvement!

I am looking forward to future meetings; so far they’ve been inspiring and educational and I find them very worthwhile.  And if they help me learn to be a good writer, then that is all that I could wish!

 

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November

Posted on November 3, 2013 by Linda

Nov201331-Point-Plan-2013

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Happy Halloween!

Posted on October 31, 2013 by Linda

iphonebackup 008And Dalton carved the pumpkin this year – he did a very good job!

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Hunger Games

Posted on October 25, 2013 by Linda

The Hunger Games Series, by Suzanne Collins

I just read the first one of these books, followed by the following two, and I really liked them.  Now I am curious about the movies!

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ANGST

Posted on October 20, 2013 by Linda

I had a very weird dream last night.  I was living in this small closet of a room in this huge place, like a mall and an amusement park all in one big thing, and loads of people; sort of like a huge city had been compressed into this mall-like space and millions of people were walking around.  And I had two children, one of which was Dalton, who was little again.  I was trying to find all his stuffed animals and bring them to him.  And I couldn’t find a bathroom but when I did there were huge lines.  And I kept getting lost and couldn’t find my way back to where I lived.  Then at one point I lost one of my children.  Weird. 

The dream was really rather horrible.  But as a metaphor, I think it could mean I’ve been “lost in the jungle” and wanting to get back “home” and care for my “children” in that I’ve been overwhelmed with life and left my “home and children” – my creative endeavors, my dreams – to suffer and get lost, relegated to a very small space.  I need to be creating and seeing to my dreams, my “children,” and bring them home.

And this smoking isn’t helping really.  I’m feeling guilty and frustrated.  I really don’t know how to deal with this.  I have so many things I need to get caught up with and I’ve been really “dropping the ball” with the various things on my 31 point plan.  I keep getting “lost.”  What is it that causes me to have so much trouble at times?  Well certainly my son’s issues will capsize me at times.  He is always my first priority.  And when he gets sick and misses school it always does a number on me.  Then there is the smoking thing – even after three months totally smoke free there is disequilibrium.  At other times lack of sufficient money will derail me – there is always something.  Can I change this?  I started smoking again, thinking that would help bring some stability to my state of mind, but it is possible it will only extend and make worse my disequilibrium.  I do not know.  It may be exchanging one kind of dysfunction for another.

And I cannot yet quite visualize my book in any kind of solid form.  It is still too nebulous and drifting.  I keep reading these books and meditating, visualizing, ruminating on it all; I only hope that it eventually reaches a point where it’s clear enough that I can actually start writing it (whatever “it” is).  That is my #1 goal right now, and I think maybe that is why I have been in this state lately, spending so much time just thinking, dozing, contemplating, trying to cook something up.  And it is going to be, I think/I hope, something rather amazing.  I want more than anything to be able to pull it off successfully.  I think being able to give birth to this, to regurgitate it, send it all out to the world, get it off my chest and out of my head – I can’t imagine a more freeing, more fulfilling thing.  And if it is well-received, it would be justification, validation for my entire life for the most part.

And I must not let myself get overwhelmed.  I need to put it into a smaller context, it is only the first of hopefully many more books.  And that would mean years of pure pleasure ahead for me.  A Satisfying Life.  What more could I ever ask for?  Only that my loved ones have equal or better health and happiness, and this is what life is all about.

But I am frustrated.

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10-17-13 (and smoking)

Posted on October 17, 2013 by Linda

I have been having such a rough time.  I finally went out and bought a pack of cigarettes yesterday.  While I do not want to be a smoker, I also don’t want to be so dysfunctional and unable to cope with my life!  I need to be able to pull myself back together – so I can get strong again!  Can I manage just smoking occasionally?  I want to believe that is possible!  It’s is unreal though how much better I seem to function with a little bit of nicotine.  Well, we shall see…

And the US Government is finally back I business.  What a fiasco!  I really do like Obama, but I sure as hell don’t envy him.

I am wondering what the deal is with electronic cigarettes (they sound a bit “iffy” actually).  I don’t want to ruin my lungs, but the nicotine sure seems to keep me on a better functioning level.  And was I really doing ok after quitting for a year and a half?  I do remember that I was depressed a lot, lying on the couch too much of the time; I was kind of a mess.  Did that just have to do with my situation or did nicotine play into that somehow?  I really don’t know.  I am feeling really conflicted about this.  I don’t like the way I have been, but I don’t want to be an addict again.  Unfortunately I think this is a “have your cake and eat it too” situation.  I hate smoking but I hate not smoking too.  Not good.

I wonder if because I started smoking so young that my brain chemistry is just permanently wired for Nicotine.  It’s hard for me to believe that when I was 15 yrs old I was already smoking and drinking and doing drugs.  And my son is nearly 14; I cannot fathom it.  God willing my son won’t do what I did.  I wasted a lot of life being stupid.  Daring life to kill me.  Why?  And so many in my generation did the same; some did not survive.  What was wrong to cause such behavior in so many of us?  And is it different now?

I think we are smarter than our parents were, because of what we experienced.  We learned what happens and so hopefully our children can learn that from us.  What not to do.  Our own parents were ignorant about many things; they were just not equipped to deal with what things were like at that time.  They seemed so distant and different from our reality.  And perhaps that is different now.  We can talk to our kids, make them understand our humanity, that we are not just “authority” (something we chose to rebel against).  It seems to me that children were not always given the same regard as they are now.  It was a different world.  And it seems to me that there are not as many big differences between us and our kids, as with us and our parents.  But when kids rebelled in the 1960s – in what was basically a revolution of sorts – perhaps that was a catalyst for change.  For those that came after.  And here we are in a whole new millennium.  And things are very changed from how it was for my generation growing up.

And I’ve realized something lately, relating to smoking.

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Ender’s Game

Posted on October 13, 2013 by Linda

Last night I started reading “Ender’s Game,” which I first read about 30 years ago.  It’s recently been made into a movie, which I would really like to see – and thus would like to read the book again first.  I don’t know what happened to my copy of the book, but I had bought a copy of it a couple of years ago for my son to read (he hasn’t yet read it), so I am now reading his copy.  And this version includes an introduction by the author that was written in 1991.  I was curious to see how this book reads so many years later.  All I remember is that I’d loved it, as I loved all the Orson Scott Card books I’ve ever read.

The Margaret Atwood novel I’d started reading a few days ago just doesn’t seem to fit my current “space” so I put it aside to read sometime later.  I have also been reading these Dan Pink books.  I finished “Drive” and am now rereading “A Whole New Mind.”

Some SciFi books, like perhaps “Ender,” can feel amazingly timely decades later because of the basic human truths they contain.  Ender’s Game concerns gifted children and in the author’s introduction, he talks about such children in the real world having written to him to express how much they felt like outcasts and how they have loved the book.

It is a wonderful book.  One of the customer reviews on amazon.com says it’s “One of the Most Stunning Novels Ever Written” and I look forward to seeing the movie when it is out, as well.

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10/12/13

Posted on October 12, 2013 by Linda

What a nightmare things have been.  Dalton has been sick again and missing school, and our lovely, brilliant, U.S. government is still shut down. This has been brutal, as parenting often can be.  The government shutdown on the other hand is just idiotic and absurd.  Sigh…

And I have been so discombobulated and out of whack lately.  What is going on, am I depressed?  Is it overwhelm; what gives?  It has been a tough couple of weeks I guess; I need to regroup.

And I’ve been thinking a lot lately about these ideas I have been having, some of it related to my memoir/”bugwump” project, and then it has also sort of morphed into this other set of ideas which are rather more suited for a SciFi novel.  It has gotten a bit mixed up in my head, yet it all kind of relates.  I really think though that I’ve definitely been cooking up a novel, in addition to my “bugwump” thing.

And I have a question which relates to a lot of different areas:  I often struggle with having more than one project going at a time.  And I have this sense of conflict over the idea that I should only do one thing at a time and need to discipline myself in that way, and my ADD (or whatever it is that makes these things difficult) makes it hard for me to decide what to make the priority/choose which to do first.  I get very torn and it results in my not doing anything.  This is a problem, it is not happy.

But what if I knew nothing about this “philosophy” of doing only one thing at a time; might that then remove the conflict and difficulty and allow me to, in fact, manage doing multiple things without any difficulty or negative consequences?  After all, I have no such conflict or trouble reading multiple books at the same time.  Or would it sabotage my chance of success at completing things if I let myself consider more than one project at a time if – I don’t have that conflict over not doing what I “should?”  And that seems to be the main problem sometimes; is it ADD?  Conflict over feeling compelled to do things “the right way” rather than what seems to come more naturally?

This conflict causes immobility and confusion and that brings failure, dysfunction and major frustration.  But what if it didn’t have to be that way?  We are raised to feel that we must conform in order to get along.  But some of us have trouble with that.  And thus there are those of us who have been labeled and grouped together and told that we are a certain way (ADD) and that is not the way that (most of) the world works.  But I thoroughly believe that being forced to conform against one’s own nature and not being totally successful – or totally willing – is what causes this syndrome of dysfunction, and NOT a “symptom” of the “condition” itself.  And after all, some “ADD” people do quite well.  They have succeeded in being who they are without that conflict to drag them down.  Makes sense to me.

“They” say that human beings are not really capable of doing more than one thing at a time and that it is unproductive to “multitask.”  But I am not sure I agree, because it depends on what one is doing (as every MOM knows quite well.)  And women must frequently multitask; they say women are better at it than men.  But that is not exactly what I am talking about here anyway.  I am talking about working on a book/manuscript – or a piece of artwork – and also working on another project.  But obviously this does not mean working on more than one thing at the same time, it is simply a matter of doing something from start to finish before starting another project and that is what I have trouble with.

But would I still, if I got rid of the limiting factor of not telling myself that I must do it differently?  I feel like this hinders me.  Because otherwise I might be actually writing something instead of merely thinking about writing.  Something to perhaps consider further at another time.

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Political Insanity

Posted on October 1, 2013 by Linda

Unbelievably, our ridiculous Congress has caused the government to shut down due to a refusal to cooperate and do their jobs.  It is ludicrous.  This so-called Tea Party needs to get a grip or just go away!  They are Neanderthals and what they are doing is simply bad news for everyone.  In their stubborn quest for power (or whatever their ultimate goal might be) they are blind about what they are really doing – or else they are simply evil and too stupid to know it.

I really sympathize with the President and those in Congress who are trying to be reasonable and do their jobs under such circumstances.  It has to be all too frustrating to believe.  I could even imagine somebody pushed beyond their limit and taking out a gun and blowing all those bozos away!  But that would not be a good thing at all, so hopefully it will just stay in my imagination only!  But how on earth can anyone deal with such an untenable situation; it is incredible!  It is positively shameful and unacceptable.  Perhaps we need to just throw it all out and start over!  Get rid of the Republican Party – and the Democrats as well!  Pull out the Declaration of Independence and reconsider all this country was founded to stand for.  If the people really are so divided on opposite sides of basic issues, if there is no meeting of minds, then perhaps it is time to form two separate countries!  Because this is not working for any of us. 

Government employees are being put on furlough, or working without pay, and how are they supposed to live?  I don’t imagine the government pays unemployment!  I am glad I am not in one of those people’s shoes.  But this is so depressing…

It seems to me that the ones who are being obstructionist are not very representative of the people.  They are representative only of a small, perhaps 1%.  Which means we are in a stranglehold and America has ceased to be a Democracy.  Perhaps that means it’s time for a revolution.  Trouble is, things have gotten too complicated, with world markets and money so much in control of everything.

And good grief, this country could run quite well – as it has done, if we could somehow just get rid of those factions who are preventing business as usual.  They are not interested in American values, they are only interested in personal benefit.  And they are BLIND.  What we need to do is get rid of Fox News, then maybe people would return to being “normal.”

I mean really, Republicans have been in power plenty of times during my lifetime and Democrats have never played these obstructionist political games at those or any other times.  They have always been willing to cooperate in order to get the job done – like Congress is supposed to do!  I have never seen Democrats refuse to accept election results – even when Gore actually did beat Bush in that notorious election and that doomed us to 8 years of Bush when he should have lost (and if that had happened, how much war might we have avoided?)  The point is, Democrats have mostly behaved like responsible adults.  Republicans used to.  Not any more apparently, and what has happened?  It is hard to understand or accept.  It is BAD for our country.

And I wonder, with the government shut down, how might that affect the IRS sending me my tax refund? As it is, I have been waiting since FEBRUARY!!! Honestly, this is just B.S.

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October 2013

Posted on October 1, 2013 by Linda

Oct2013(And here’s all of my “31 point plans” so far this year.)

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Sitchin

Posted on September 30, 2013 by Linda

Another writer who has come to mind quite a lot recently as I contemplate these ideas I’ve been having about a possible novel, and all the connections I am making between the different books I’ve been reading, is Zecharia Sitchin.

I read most, if not all, of his “Earth Chronicles” books in the last couple of years.

In his life-long research into humanity’s very beginnings, Sitchin was never professionally accepted or his theories given much credit. As it says on Wikipedia‘s article about him:  “Sitchin’s ideas have been rejected by scientists and academics, who dismiss his work as pseudoscience and pseudohistory. His work has been criticized for flawed methodology and mistranslations of ancient texts as well as for incorrect astronomical and scientific claims.”

Personally, I think his theories (at least initially) threatened our common, basic beliefs too significantly, particularly in regards to religion and our perceived origins.  It was too big a leap.  But I accept and will warrant that he may not have been 100% right; after all, he could not have figured out everything – and he was also very subject to his own beliefs, but I also think his theories regarding the origin of our belief in gods and religions are very compelling.  However, it did disappoint me to find that when it came down to it, he could not suspend his belief in a “real” God, even though he was unable to satisfactorily show anything that supported that belief in the context of his other “evidence.”   He could not give up his ultimate belief in a Higher Being, God to not only humans, but also to these supposed aliens that early humans thought of as gods, and for me, that detracted from his overall assertions.  And at this point his viewpoints sadly went from credible evidence to pure faith and fabrication.

But I also believe he had something there of truth.  There seems plenty of potential evidence to support an “ancient alien” theory; not all of it makes sense, but a lot of it actually does, in my opinion.  Especially when looking at the Old Testament writings alongside the ancient Sumerian and other ancient writings and a lot of things seem very plausible to me.

But I think perhaps humanity is simply not ready to give up its gods and associated theories of its beginnings (although I could be wrong).  Nor has science found any evidence of a rogue planet entering our solar system every 3500 or so years.  But if this theory were true, how would we really know – if the last time this rogue planet was around was two or three thousand years ago?  We wouldn’t necessarily know.  We have limited knowledge really about our earliest history or origins; there is no concrete evidence that explains everything.  While Sitchin’s theories cannot be proved, much of it cannot be totally disproved either, at least as far as I know.  And it does create some intriguing possibilities for a work of fiction if nothing else.

 

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cracking eggs…

Posted on September 29, 2013 by Linda

The other day, I started thinking about a book that I read a few years ago, “Crack in the Cosmic Egg,” by Joseph Chilton Pearce.  I couldn’t really recall what it was about, but it seemed to be related to all of these thoughts I’ve been having lately, so I picked it up and started reading it again.  And as I suspected, it does relate, and so it seems to be one of those synchronicities (which I suppose can be considered an example of those “cracks” the author talks about in the book.)

The theory is that our consciousness creates our reality – and this is very compelling and fascinating to me.  This book was written back in 1971.  And it’s interesting that his theories tie in with all the fairly recent talk about quantum physics and the “power of intention” that everyone talks about these days and, in fact, might possibly have more relevance today than it did back when it was written.  I find that reading it a second time brings even more insights than it did the first time.  This man, like me, also felt like he was born in the wrong time.  I love it.

This morning in my journal-writing, in thinking about this book, I found myself pursuing thoughts about the idea of reality not being static.  I have always held the belief that our minds have the power to do just about anything – if we believe.

In other words, if I were to believe that I was capable of making an object fly across the room on its own, then I believe it would happen.  But my inability to really believe in that possibility (and to some degree, my fear that it might actually happen and it would scare me) prevents it from being true.  But what’s really interesting is that these childhood superstitions of mine are not perhaps as odd as I used to think.

And I used to think about these things long before I ever read this book or anything like it.  I have always believed that BELIEF is everything.  I never had anything to base these intuitions or beliefs on; I just innately felt that way.  I always believed that if I focused very hard on something with concrete intentions, that I could make certain things happen, but at the same time, the possibility just scared me.  And I believed that the reason that this type of thing rarely, if ever, actually happened to anyone, was simply because nobody is able to actually believe that it could be true.  If everyone were to suddenly decide that a thing was true, then it would become true.  It is all a matter of BELIEF.  I used to worry that I was crazy – but more and more, there is evidence to suggest that there is something going on here (think “The Secret” or “What the Bleep Do We Know!?“).

And didn’t Jesus say in the Bible, something about faith moving mountains?  Faith and Belief can actually mean the same thing.  It is all Context.  While to religious people, “faith” implies a belief in God, “faith” can actually mean a belief in anything that is not based on actual fact.  And although I am not religious, I do believe that there is something that exists – not an entity called “God,” but more of an all-encompassing power of life and consciousness in the Universe and on this Planet – in us and of us all.  And that we all have more power than we know.  And this “sense” of the ultimate is what religious people see as “God.”  But it is all one and the same to me.  (Not that everyone might agree with me.)  It is hard to even articulate this stuff but it makes all religions begin to make sense to me and explains a lot of things.

The views in this book even make sense of experiences people have claimed when under the influence of mind-altering drugs, and of shamans, and other archaic events and beliefs.  When anything causes one’s sense of reality to be suspended, chaos follows.  Is this merely imagined – or do strange things actually happen?  There are many stories where there is no obvious benefit to anyone having made it up.  I have read Carlos Castanada’s books – which are quite mind-blowing.  I believe that most people probably decided it was all made up.  But was it really, and why would he – or more importantly, how could he – make up such a story?  What about these fire-walkers in certain cultures; there have been books written about those people, although I haven’t yet read the accounts.  There are some really amazing things in this world, whether ones believes it to be true or not.  And according to Joseph Chilton Pearce, if enough people start to accept a thing as being true, it eventually becomes commonly true.  But in the absence of those commonly-held beliefs, isolated instances that defy conventional logic do occur.

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September Mysteries

Posted on September 26, 2013 by Linda

I’ve gotten a bit discombobulated this month, but at some point after finishing “Silent Thunder,” along with all the other nonfiction books I’ve been reading, I decided to read some of my sister’s mysteries, of which she has many.

In past years, I remember reading all of the books in  “Ellis Peters’ The Brother Cadfael Series”

and I also read three of the books in Peter Tremayne’s “Sister Fidelma Series” at some point afterwards.

 

 

This time it’s Anne Perry’s “Charlotte and Thomas Pitt series” and I have been reading the first three of these this month.  I could go on and read more of them (and I still can at any time), but have been craving something along the lines of science fiction or fantasy.

I wonder what I will read next?  

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092513

Posted on September 25, 2013 by Linda

There was a segment on the Today Show this morning about dads, raising the question of whether dads seem to be taking more of a hands-on role these days.  It does seem that some at least are; I got a bit emotional seeing these dads, seeing their faces as they talked about their kids.  It gives me hope, but makes me sad for my son.  But perhaps there is hope for our future. 

It occurs to me that in order for men to be those hands-on fathers, they need more non-traditional type jobs.  Both men and women do if they are to share in parenting and other responsibilities.  Many people do not have the luxury of being able to do this and that is sad.

This book “Drive” brings up a number of examples of how businesses are starting to change how they operate and how how things are moving towards a way of life that is more human-oriented, more suitable to the flexible, self-directed and balanced type of living that people are wanting to live – especially as parents.  I find it interesting that apparently we baby-boomers have set the path for these types of changes and it is our children – the millennials who are making it happen.

As I have already mentioned elsewhere, the ideas presented in this book are so in line with the way I have always felt and believed that it just amazes me.   I have never believed myself to be very typical, otherwise I wouldn’t have found my life so difficult.  It is good to know that I am not unique and if the trend is to go in this direction, this not only makes me happy in how encouraging it is to us in general, but it also has me feeling vindicated – for all my life-long, innate perceptions and intuitions about things and how things ought to be and my struggle with feeling wrong, damaged, and like a messed up, misunderstood, maladjusted alien.

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THE AQUARIUM SAGA, Part 2

Posted on September 24, 2013 by Linda

(Click here for the Aquarium Saga, Part 1)

7/7/13:  So here we are with happy little fish in a nice new 10-gallon tank.  But things are never as simple as one would like – fish food is very messy, it seems.  The platys never seem to eat their flake food, but will just go after the catfish food (algae wafers), which makes a big mess!  Are we feeding them too much?  What is going on?  I ask the aquarium store people and they suggest that we feed the platys in the morning and then put the catfish wafers in just before turning off the light at night.  That helps a little.  But the water seems to always be inordinately dirty; perhaps we are still feeding them too much.

On July 26th we lose the first platy.  Dalton was pretty broken up about it.  Nobody likes to get fish that just end up dying and it hasn’t been very long since we lost all those Neons.  It is sad and he feels responsible, they are his fish. But I try to reassure him that it is not his fault and sometimes fish just die.  Having fish is very much a learning experience and despite one’s best efforts, sometimes this happens.

I decide it is time to replace the filters, so I go out to look for them.  But I cannot find any appropriate filters in any of the local pet stores.  So I order them online.  But this all takes longer than it should and the water is not doing very well. I try just rinsing the old filters out and putting them back in and keep doing the weekly water changes.  I am anxious for the new filters to arrive!

But, on July 28th, the little Juli Catfish dies.  Poor Dalton was beside himself.  This was our favorite fish and the survivor of our first fishtank disaster.  And then when on July 30th, another fish died (another one of the platys), I decide something serious must be wrong besides just needing new filters.  I decide to take a water sample in to be tested at JoFish.

And this is dreadful:  Our aquarium water is TOXIC.  The water has been killing our fish because I was not aware that my method of letting the treated water sit for days at a time was putting ammonia into it.  I WAS KILLING MY SON’S FISH – the whole time.  I had no idea.  I feel like a complete idiot!

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092213

Posted on September 22, 2013 by Linda

Lately I’ve decided to review and/or finish some of my books about ADD that I have had for several years, like these two for instance:

“Moms with ADD”

and “10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD,” both of which I got years ago.

I am also reading an Anne Perry mystery, as well as also reading “Drive.”  I don’t know why I am suddenly pulling out and finishing all these books I was in the middle of and set aside so long ago but it’s like all these different things are starting to synthesize and make sense, like something big is cooking in my head.

And it has to do with ADD, creativity, and the notion of “drive” and what makes us tick.  It all starts to put my very confusing life into a context that makes sense to me and I love it.  And not only that, but it also fits in with all the reading and writing and thinking about this “bugwump”/memoir I want to write, along with a novel idea that I’ve been thinking about lately, about human evolution.  I am seeing connections everywhere, which happens sometimes and which I find very cool.

I decided yesterday that I needed to own “The Memoir Project” (I had borrowed it from the library) and so I ordered it from Amazon.com along with a used copy of Dan Pink’s “The Right Mind” which I’d checked out from the library and read a couple years ago.  I am enjoying “Drive” so much and I recall how much I liked this other one and would like to read it again.

So I stopped reading The Memoir Project until I receive my copy – I want to be able to use a highlighter, it is so obviously full of good information.  I also ordered a couple of writing books I’ve wanted, in order to bring the total up to qualify for free shipping.  I’m a bit anxious though because I am running a bit low on money and I know I do not always use “sound” judgment where money is concerned, I have a hard time calculating what I need and can afford.  I apparently have never been able to really comprehend money in the right way; like time, it seems malleable, but isn’t.  It is odd to me that time and money seem to be so very similar in nature, they seem to operate sort of on the same principles – and that would be linear, left-brain type principles, which to us ADD/right-brainers, it doesn’t quite make sense or seem real.

I wonder if on the other side of things there are principles that we understand fine that the normal people do not.  Problem with that is that if it is true, it wouldn’t much matter because it would be ignored and considered goofy or dysfunctional.  Unfortunately we cannot ignore the concepts of time and money whether they seem meaningless or not.  Maybe we could learn how to deal with these things better if it was placed in a different context somehow, like if life was totally different.  Theoretically, you know like if magic really worked and reality was subjective.  Like I find it easy to believe.  🙂

Hey, it’s all relative anyway.  But it is all fascinating and intriguing and wonderful, to me.  LIFE.

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092113

Posted on September 21, 2013 by Linda

It’s Saturday.  I seem to be depressed.  I did not want to get out of bed this morning.  I didn’t even hear when Dalton got up.  And I’m in that kind of foggy-headed funk that happens sometimes – when I don’t want to talk to anyone or deal with anything.  I just want to be alone, invisible, and silent.  I wonder what it really means when I get like this – depression, what exactly is that anyway?  I think it is fear; and not getting what I might need in order to feel truly “safe” somehow.

I used to get like this when I felt threatened due to financial predicaments.  Or when I couldn’t bear going to work, in that the context in which I was forced to work made me so sick – but to not do that brought financial failure and fear (terror) of not being able to survive.  That “dead” feeling – feeling so thwarted that it feels hopeless.

Thankfully these days I haven’t had to experience that too much, but it seems other things can conspire to exhaust and frustrate me, like parenting difficulties for instance.  And I probably just need some solace and recharge; I’m beaten down by worrying about my son and these difficulties.  He’s been sick and missed so much school and he’s gotten so behind at school again already.  Kids can take so much out of you because of always trying to do the right thing as a parent and it is so hard and never very clear-cut.

Sometimes, in fact, it is really brutal, and my stress can make it worse in trying to deal with him and it just becomes too much and I sort of collapse.  It’s a matter of feeling (or not feeling) in control of things. But right now I just feel like I need to Let Go and let things happen as they will and be what they are.

This is a hard age for my son, and thus for me.  Trying to get him to be responsible for himself and do the things that are required of him after too many years of mom doing most everything for him.  I am having to retrain myself as well as teach him.  And he can be very stubborn.  But if he would just realize that he could avoid certain negative consequences if he would just step up to the plate and do what he’s supposed to do – including asking me for help if he needs it.  But he just claims he “has it covered” and then I have to watch him fail and get depressed and stressed out because of it.  It is extremely frustrating and it is so hard to have to watch him be unhappy.  But if he won’t let me help him, what can I do?

And I think most parents probably dislike homework every bit as much as our kids do.  And why does there have to be so much work?  I remember being able to do most of my work in class; why can’t it be like that?  All it does is stress everyone out.  And I don’t think it’s right for kids to have so little free “play” time as they do.

I have again picked up the book “Drive” that I started reading a couple of years ago and I’m re-reading it – actually, I don’t think I even finished it before.    The author talks about how the way our systems of school and work are currently structured are severely lacking in how human nature works.  Learning is fun and education should be enjoyable and enriching for kids; but the way it’s structured, it just becomes a drudgery, something dreaded and unpleasant – as have also been most jobs I’ve had.  I find this book extremely hopeful and refreshing to read about how this is all counter to how people are and that it needs to change.  I have always felt this way and things are changing very gradually but it will likely take more than a generation or two to really kick in and change our society in a big way.  But it needs to happen.  And it will as long as the Neanderthals in our society don’t prevent it and want us to stay in our cave man culture.

What I find particularly rewarding about this book is the idea that instead of my having to feel like there is something wrong with me like I’ve always felt, perhaps I am simply a particularly real human sample of who we are; I have been unable to conform, to change myself in order to fit the artificially created rules to live by because those rules have never made sense to me.  Does this mean I’m more evolved somehow?

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“The Memoir Project”

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Linda

I have just started reading “The Memoir Project,” by Marion Roach Smith.

And the first thing the author talks about is that one needs to first decide what one’s memoir is about; e.g., it is a comedy, tragedy, etc., with the illustration of which being one’s own life.

But when I think about my project, what can I say?  Well, I see mine as being part personal story and part fantasy.  Specifically, it is about becoming myself in terms of writing and being creative, with the issues of ADHD, family dysfunction, personal growth – and what I call “life with a bugwump.”  And that’s about all I know.

The author says there are three rules of memoir:  1) Tell the truth; 2) Every page needs to drive the story forward; and 3) The context must be one to which the reader can relate (i.e., universal themes, etc.).  She says “make it small.  Make it rare.  Make it a First” (for the reader).  She suggests starting with a 750-word personal essay; “when you write an essay you tackle a scene.”  And to “choose your details.”

It has become very clear to me as I read this book, that I really need to decide what exactly my story is about.  I’ve always been so fuzzy and vague about this; I do not really know the answer to that question.  Every time I have worked on it I have changed focus, and have had trouble by thinking I need to somehow put my whole life in there, which is extremely overwhelming.  But perhaps I do not have to be vague and overwhelmed and confused.  I have feared that my difficulty stems from my ADHD, in which case it is possibly an impossible task that I will never be able to accomplish despite my longings.  But in reading this book it appears that my experience with writing is very normal and common and that I can learn how to do this, just like anybody else.  And this makes me feel more hopeful.  If I can really learn how to pin down specifics in order to gain enough clarity to produce what I want to produce – and this can be applied to any type of writing I want to do – then this feels quite miraculous.  It is hard for me to believe that I might be capable of enough clarity and not be overwhelmed in the fog.  This is what I have always wanted.  There is always so much information in my brain that I never know what to do with it, how to organize it and get it down!

But with all these books I’ve been reading lately it feels like I am somehow getting ready to write.

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9/15/13

Posted on September 15, 2013 by Linda

California Scrub JayMy first thoughts this morning arrive with the noisy chatter of young Jays in our backyard coming in with the breeze through the open window.  It feels like a summer day and, actually, summer is not yet over; not until the fall equinox later this month.  And I start thinking about equinoxes and solstices and realize I am not real clear about how all that works and would we still have seasons if our planet was not tilted?  Does our orbit of the sun actually have no effect on seasons?  Because otherwise, the whole world would have summer and winter at the same time instead of the upper and lower hemispheres alternating like they do.  And it occurs to me that I could easily look this stuff up on the Internet; probably on some kids’ science websites.  I’m sure that these days there are plenty of kids who have a better grasp of some things than I do!

Knowledge is so much more accessible than it ever was before.  I’ve forgotten much I learned in school, and there is much that nobody even yet knew back then but do now.  Our species is learning at the speed of light these days, at least when it comes to some things.  Ignorance is still abundant unfortunately, but I think it is so very, very important that education is becoming more and more available around the world.  Hopefully it won’t be too long before knowledge is available to all.  Eventually, one would hope, ignorance will virtually disappear.

But then there is the kind of willful ignorance that religious fanatics and other such idiots persist in.  And I think that particular phenomenon is about power; power and control, as in ‘let’s keep people in ignorance so we can control them.’  Like the history of the Catholic Church, for instance; and a very bloody history it has had.

I think if I ever do write a novel it is obvious to me that it will have to deal with that subject in some way; something to do with religion.  And, speaking of which – last night I was watching previews of some of the new fall TV series that are coming out and one of them is about certain humans suddenly going through an evolutionary step which gives them “super-human” and “psychic” type abilities.  And that is exactly the kind of thing that I was playing with for my novel idea!  They stole my idea, sheesh!  But I guess most ideas are really not all that unique; people tend to come up with similar ideas at the same time.  But I sure wouldn’t want to write a book that had people thinking I had copied the ideas from a TV series!  But, oh well, and most TV shows don’t even make it past the first season – especially the ones I particularly like!  We shall see.

One of these days I need to sit down and figure out what exactly my “Bugwump” story is really about.  I need to get clear on that.  It only feels like a confusing and overwhelming mess at present.  And I need to get in my head the notion that this does not have to be a complete story of my life and there will be other books.  I need to define the parameters around this one book and not be overwhelmed.  And if I can manage to write one book to completion, then I can write another book – and on and on.  I do not need to get myself so overwhelmed; this is why it has been so many years.  I need to define one project and then DO IT.  And then on to the next.  I can do this!

You know, the main reason that I keep getting so far behind on my blog posts is that once I write something in my notebook, it’s been hard for me to re-write it later for my blog.  But now I remember what Natalie Goldberg says in her book – that you have to ‘attach back‘ to it so it’s real again.  So sometimes when I have trouble editing what I’ve previously written, I have to put my mind back there and then can recreate it and let the words just come again.  But another thing I have realized is that instead of recreating everything I’ve written, often I can simply just type my original words and with very little editing it is fine – using more of what I originally wrote, instead of taking the “gist” of it and thinking I have to re-write the whole thing.  Maybe I can make this task less time-consuming; that would be good.

(I love this graphic!  I “borrowed” it from HERE.)

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Writing and Time

Posted on September 14, 2013 by Linda

I have really been enjoying writing these days.  Especially after reading this book – I decided to change my perception about my journaling and basically just let myself really write.  I think I really needed that book.  And if nothing else, I think it has finally proved to me that I am a writer, and have always been.  If one is a writer, one is always a writer, no matter if you never write or ever publish.  But a writer who does not write – well that has been me in the past:  drinking, drugs, smoking, parties, depression, and craziness.  Because when a writer does not write, it is painful.  And for me, also not doing any artwork was equally painful.  All those years denying that I am an artist and a writer – and denying myself music as well – well it’s a wonder I’ve made it thus far without killing myself!  It just makes me horribly sad for myself.  But this is NOW, and I can heal and move forward.  It’s been such a long, hard road and the road does not end, it continues.  But at least I’ve finally recognized and accepted that road as being real.  Ha – the Road of Being ME. 

So I decided not to go to my writers group meeting today.  I like these things but time is not working for me today – and to be honest I am not sure I even have the money for gas to get there unless my client’s check comes today and I’m running out of time.  Plus I am feeling really content sitting here and writing and I don’t want to lose my mood having to drive to Marin (even though it is only about 30 miles). With Dalton off camping with friends, I am just feeling so greedy with this time to myself.  So I’ve decided to stay home and be self-indulgent. 

And then I had a wonderful walk.  It’s a beautiful day – sunny, breezy, about 70 degrees.  I lost myself in thoughts and music and my mile was done in no time.  My muscles are burning pleasantly.  I started thinking about how cool it would be if we could somehow “stretch” time – like pop in and out of a different dimension where time is malleable.

Say it’s noon and you have to be somewhere at 2 PM, so you have two hours.  But before you go you want to write for an hour, take a 30-minute walk, eat some lunch and then still have the hour and ½ that it takes you to get showered and ready to hit the road.  So we’re looking at needing 3 ½ or 4 hours plus driving time and obviously there’s no way that fits into your 2 hour time slot.  What if you could simply pop into this other dimension, do all the things you want to do and then pop back in with no time having lapsed and can then make it to your appointment on time without having to skip all the other things you wanted or needed to do.

This would probably get too complicated unless what one person did with their time-stream affected nobody else’s time-stream.  And there is also the question of whether or not human beings would be capable of dealing with all that extra time without any physical or mental breakdown from exhaustion.  We want more time, but could we actually handle it?  Although if one could pop into a different time-stream to do things, one could conceivably also do so in order to get extra sleep!  A weird but interesting idea and one I find rather appealing. 

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“Writing Down the Bones”

Posted on September 13, 2013 by Linda

On August 23rd I started reading Natalie Goldberg’s “Writing Down the Bones.”  It  is one of the absolute BEST darn books about writing – and life in general – that I have ever, ever read.  It is simple, direct, straightforward, and incredibly beautiful, amazingly profound.  Universal truth shines through her words to infuse me with illumination.  It is just really remarkable.   It is such a beautiful book.  I’ve been highlighting sections like crazy.  Funny how with some books you can enjoy them, but then nothing really sticks or stays with you or changes you in any way.  Other books somehow get right down to your soul and make an indelible impression on you and stay with you forever.  This is definitely one of those books.  I don’t think there are all that many writers who have this gift.  Only certain writers seem to have that ability of impressing my soul.  And of all the writing books I’ve read, this seems to be the first one that, halfway through, has already actually affected my writing and changed the way I think about my writing.  I think it has helped me relax and change my perceptions in general about writing, particularly in terms of the pressure I put on myself and the emotions that plague me.

The author talks about the practice of writing in a notebook every day.  (Sort of like what I have always done.)  She talks of the importance of being able to feel the connection and texture of pen on paper and that the tools we use affect our thoughts.  The act of moving our hand across the paper engages us with our “first thoughts,” and I know it has always been easier for me to connect with my deepest truth when I use pen on paper.

She says, “Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.”  The concepts she writes about in this book she says can be applied to “running, painting, anything you love and have chosen to work with in your life.”  It is “about trusting your own mind and creating a confidence in your experience.”  And she stresses strongly the importance of writing practice, which cultivates patience, allows us to see the “rich garden we have inside us,” and through this practice we will be “in good shape to ride the universe when it moves through us.”

There is a chapter in which the author lists some ideas for topics to write about if you struggle to come up with something to write about.  I don’t think that I have actually ever had trouble knowing what to write about; I just start writing and it comes.  But I looked at her ideas and the first one was to write about the “quality of light coming in through the window.”  I decided to take a minute to try that and here is what I wrote:

It is foggy this morning; at nearly 10 a.m., there is still no sign of the sun.  In fact it feels very much like a typical fall day, although Indian Summer is still with us and typically the hottest time of the year.

The light is very subdued, gray.  The sky is a dull white, unbroken.  There is no breeze.  It looks almost like a still life of my backyard, but for the birds flitting about here and there.  And if I were outside instead of here on my sofa, I would undoubtedly feel a little breeze here and there despite my not seeing evidence of it now.  And I would hear a lot of birdsong.  Sometimes it is nearly cacophonous out there with the birds!  And there are always other sounds – the highway, the neighbors, dogs barking, planes in the sky.  Not like this “still life” I am currently looking at.

This impression didn’t really register in my awareness at first.  Perhaps it is me that is all gray and dim.  My state of mind after quitting smoking, Gray and Dim.  A Still Life.  And it will take time until I feel totally alive again.  Whether the sun comes out in reality outside or not.  It might be a while before I feel it in my head.

A Gray Day feels just right under the circumstances.  And how nice it is, those times when the weather decides to match my internal state.  That must be a good sign.  Perhaps I will be successful this time at staying Quit.

And perhaps I should stop thinking about that right now because it is making me want to smoke. 

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“Silent Thunder”

Posted on September 13, 2013 by Linda

Yesterday I started reading “Silent Thunder” by Iris Johansen.

I’d read a book by this author in the past and I seem to remember that I enjoyed it, so I thought I might like this one.  But I found the writing from the very beginning to be kind of jarring.  It doesn’t flow and I find it difficult to immerse myself in.  In describing it to my sister, I said that trying to get past the first few pages seems kind of analogous to a child trying to force down spinach or medicine or some other distasteful thing in order to get a treat/something better – in this case to see where the story is going and determine if its a worthwhile read.

Maybe this is just common to the genre (thriller) but what it reminds me of is the way I used to write, back when I was working on my first novel attempts.  Lots of dialogue, sort of “hacky” and full of clichés.  And she’s a NY Times bestseller!  What does this mean?

Perhaps this is the same thing that I see on television.  The “hack” is popular and what I consider the “good stuff” only merits a cult following and often gets canceled.  So is really good writing perhaps not loved by the mainstream masses?  But there are mainstream popular writers who do write beautifully.  Stephen King, for instance and he’s been phenomenally successful, and I am sure there are others.  But I think most of the bestsellers you see out there on the shelves, while they are well-known names, they are rather “hacky” writers.

Maybe it’s a matter of “good story vs. good writing.”  I guess bestsellers often seem to be merely based on a good story, regardless of mediocre (if that) writing, which would mean that success does not necessarily equate with quality.  But I would think you’d need both in order to be a winner.  Or maybe the general public simply does not comprehend good writing?  I do not know.  But it makes a huge difference.

My sister mentioned the book “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,” which is apparently about the issue of “quality.”  Perhaps I ought to read that sometime.

As I mentioned – that reading this reminds me of my own past writing – I think the reason I wrote the way I did in the past was probably at least partly due to the types of things I was reading and I was not familiar enough with really good writing to be able to grasp the difference.  But it is quite profound.  And it makes me wonder how my writing might be impacted by reading more high quality writers. I would hope it has made a difference.

And I did finish this book; it was a fairly interesting story, even though I didn’t care for the characters too much.  I think perhaps this was not one of her best books, although it did get a lot of positive reviews.  And it wasn’t really that it was badly written; perhaps it just isn’t what I am now used to.

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nine-eleven

Posted on September 11, 2013 by Linda

9/11/13 – thinking about where I was on 9/11/01.  Sitting on my sofa nursing my child.  I will never forget it.  I think about other shocking events I have experienced:  The 1989 earthquake in San Francisco, the floods in 1982 – oh and that time the CHP caught a criminal in my neighbor’s backyard one night here in Petaluma, that was scary – police helicopters with spotlights overhead, cops and dogs – what a mess, in our quiet little neighborhood.  Then the Boston Marathon bombing and so many other things, school shootings – more than I can remember.  Tragedy after tragedy.

But I believe that instead of focusing on the tragedies we should focus on the way such things can bring people together.  Tragedy often brings out the best in people, forces us to grow and to change our perceptions and improve our ways; moves us to step back and realize how much we need each other and that we care about each other.  And in that sense, are we as a species better for our tragedies than we would be if such things never happened?  I don’t know, but it could be.  We would not learn the same things.  But unfortunately, not everyone learns, or doesn’t learn the right things anyway.  If pain and loss brings hate, anger and paranoia, then that is not a positive thing.  If loss somehow breeds greater greed, then that is unfortunate.  But I guess there will always be those who miss the whole point.  Just like it says in the Bible – “the poor will always be with us.”  And perhaps that means “poor” in spirit, in attitude, in enlightenment – and those will probably always be around, we just have to hope “they” don’t reach positions of power.  Except they already have – most of them are called Republicans.  Argh…

I guess it’s hard to avoid political cynicism when constantly bombarded with emails and news about congressional obstruction and childish games that’s been happening ever since President Obama took office (and before).  It is disgraceful, irresponsible and evil.  It’s hard not to get angry and disgusted no matter who you voted for if you are an intelligent and responsible human being.  My opinion.

And as I continue to experience distress over quitting smoking and find I can’t do anything but lie on the couch, my thoughts keep returning to this story idea and I continue to flesh out details.  Yesterday I came up with this idea of humans having this “longevity gene” that doesn’t get “turned on” until we achieve a higher level of cognitive development and enlightenment.  And that as long as we harbor tendencies for violence and hate, greed and selfishness, those higher-level genes do not activate.  But once they do, we achieve not only longevity and increased vitality, health and physical youthfulness, but we also acquire higher learning and comprehension faculties and heightened senses which include “psychic” type abilities.  And this is theorized on the basis that we apparently only use a very small portion of our brain capacities at present, so we might in fact be capable of further evolutionary development.  So this idea is that this gene marker, if present (and maybe it is NOT in all cases), passes on through procreation, but somehow those that do not have the capacity (or desire) to evolve eventually die out, or perhaps split off from those that do – and I could go on and on.

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09/9/13: a final thought…

Posted on September 9, 2013 by Linda

…OK, so I’ve been trying to keep up with having a blog.  I am told that writers and artists (or anyone who wants to be “seen” in some way) need to make daily use of all of the Social Media tools; for example, you write a blog post, then “tweet” it, post it to FB, etc., so that you’ve covered all the bases.

I had a difficult time in the first place just trying to get used to Facebook.  I found it to be an overwhelming (and frequently boring) waste of time.  And I rarely have found much that I really feel the need to post.  I have at times tried to use it more though and I’ve gradually gotten a little more adept and familiar with its uses.  But I still feel it more time-consuming than it’s worth.

Then I started this WordPress blog in order to learn how to write online, for several reasons.  But I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be to keep it up.  My most familiar and natural way to write is with pen and paper and it is harder for me to compose on the keyboard; I am much freer with my writing when I do it by hand.  But for obvious reasons it would benefit me to learn to write better on the screen.   And I like the idea of seeing my writing in this way.

Then, at some point, I kept getting invitations from people I know to join LinkedIn, so I finally did.  And then just recently I opened a Twitter account.  But I still do not really know what one does with these things, it just seems strange to me why people do these things or how they find the time.  Am I just getting OLD?  🙁

And I am continually puzzled by how so many people seem to be always online, posting and tweeting things, and how on earth they have the time to do and experience the things they post and tweet about if they are always posting and tweeting about them instead of actually doing and experiencing those things? 

In other words, how can I write about Life if, instead of spending my time living life, I am always on the computer posting and tweeting and blogging and everything instead of actually living my life?  I mean, just living takes up so much of my time that it’s hard enough to find time to write in the first place – and then if I have to type it up online and post about it – well I suppose it could take me longer to do those things than perhaps it does other people, but I am a very fast typist, and very computer literate, so that doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense to me.  But – all I can do is keep plugging away – and WRITE.  Eventually perhaps it will all become like second nature.

And now I must stop here – and go DO the things I need to be doing right now!  MAYBE I will find the time to write about it later!  (OR does one DO things one day, and then WRITE about it the next?)  And WHY is this a good way to live?????  😀

Posted in 2013, Onward & Upward, Ruminations | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on 09/9/13: a final thought…